With German car giant Hoaxswagen embroiled in an emissions scandal, a bright future awaits final-year Kenyan students caught cheating in national exams. This follows a decision by the car maker to recruit Kenyan students adept at cheating to enhance its emissions test-rigging software and make getting caught in future impossible.
“Kenyan students have shown amazing talent in cheating and we believe they will be vital in improving our cheating software and devices,” said the HW Group spokesperson. “In fact, we believe that had it been Kenyans developing the emissions test-rigging software, we would never have been caught in the first place.”
History of dishonesty
To be considered, all that applicants need to do is demonstrate a history of dishonesty, even if it’s non-existent. This means that in their CVs, honesty will be a minus and what the selection panel will be looking for is creativity first and foremost.
“If the application letter can contain more lies than an online dating profile, the better,” the spokesman of the Hoaxswagen Group is quoted as saying.
Among other qualities that will likely bolster a candidate’s chances include previously being involved in cases of cheating or lying to their parents besides the national examinations body.
“I have been reading reports of teenagers who had lied to their parents that they were heading for choir practice or something innocent like that, only to end up in drinking joints. If you are that kind of person, then by all means, you should be working with an organization that has a well-developed cheating culture like ours,” the spokesman added.
Upon recruitment, the selected applicants will be sent to HW’s fabrication department.
Tapping talent
As to what triggered their interest in Kenyan students, the Hoaxswagen Group spokesman revealed that it was sparked after reports emerged of exam leaks in this year’s national exams.
“Well, we would be fools not to tap highly promising talent when we see it, and obviously, now that we have realized we have deficiencies in our cheating department after having been caught, we want to bolster that critical department with new talent. And who better to populate it than young Kenyans who have already started cheating even before they have joined the workforce!” the spokesman revealed.
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